Tuesday, September 2, 2008

A New Breed of Redneck

Unlike Bigfoot, Rednecks are real.

I live in the heart of Redneckville and have the pleasure of observing them like animals in the wild each day. It is fun to watch trucks go by with 40" tires jacked up 5' tall with rebel flags waving in the wind, and references to NASCAR, guns, or deer hunting (often times all 3).

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the typical redneck, as he is usually honest and true, but this weekend, I discovered a new breed of redneck - the camping redneck. As Beth wrote about in her blog, we went camping for Labor Day weekend, and as contrary to belief, I did have fun, however it was the discovery of this new breed of redneck that amazed me.

The camping redneck is unique in its qualities. It has the ability to drink cases of beer well into the early morning and then be awake to watch the sun come up without any trace of a hang over. The camping redneck loves to have four wheeled motorcycles and ride them at top speed with no shirts or helmets on. They also have the gifted ability to take a picnic table, a riding mower, some NASCAR flags and turn them into a carnival ride for all the little kids while drinking a 6 pack of Budweiser.

This weekend we also ran into a rarer breed of redneck - the gold miner redneck. I have only seen these guys in rerun episodes of Little House on the Prairie and on Scooby Doo cartoons. The gold miner redneck is an old timer who enjoys wading in the river, panning for imaginary gold and posing as a member of ZZ Top. He has probably been drinking all day (a redneck trait) and when he speaks, he speaks in gibberish that only his family can understand. Although I make fun of the gold miner redneck, I envy his passion to look for small grains of gold with the hopes of one day finding enough to make him a millionaire.

As much as they are joked about, I have learned some lessons from rednecks. They have the ability to make complete strangers feel like they are best friends and they demonstrate a love of life, family, and friends (as well as NASCAR and beer.) If only society today were more like rednecks, the world would be a better place.